Album #43 : ArnoCorps - The Greatest Band Of All Time

ArnoCorps

The Greatest Band Of All Time (2005)

It can be difficult to describe ArnoCorps to those who have yet to experience them. When attempting to describe these ballsy heroes, and when exposing one to their action-adventure audio assaults, it is simplistic to refer to them as a 'comedy' band, or that they are just writing songs about Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. 

Which, of course, they are.

However, such is the care and craft that these manly studs have put into explaining the ArnoCorps mythology, it's remiss of me not to mention it. ArnoCorps insist that their songs are, in fact, ancient Austrian alpine tales of folklore, of heroic deeds and general hero/sheroness. The Schwarzenegger movies are not inspiration, rather, they are bastardisations of the alpine tales that ArnoCorps sing about. 

To be honest, as a fan of the band, I really wanted to review this 'in character', so to speak; to fully embrace the Arno way, with all its ballsiness, and embrace the mythology. But I am trying to present serious reviews…so I'll need to tone it down. Slightly. I'll leave quite a few references in though, because frankly it's hard not to get caught up in the ArnoCorps action-adventure lifestyle, but I will still present you with an accurate review.

After all, it might not be hard for lead singer/ballsy stud Holzfeuer to give the wrong advices…but I want to only give the right ones!

The Album

The Greatest Band Of All Time was the band's first full studio album, released some five years after the band's formation. In that five years they had built their reputation as one of San Francisco's most formidable live bands. Their audio assaults (i.e. live shows), a combination of face-melting metal and rock, advices on life and all these things, as well as the undeniable feeling of the pump, were highly regarded.

So it's pleasing to discover the album's sound is, to my ears, a faithful encapsulation of the ArnoCorps live sound. In other words, it's fast, aggressive yet melodic rock music that has tinges of hardcore, heavy metal and even skate punk. It's impossible not to get caught up in the fist-pumping bravado and sheer ballsiness of the songs. That ballsiness is enhanced by the band's heroic symmetry - i.e. two bass players (the much missed Der Wolf and former bassist Toten Adler). Supporting this heroic symmetry, and goddamn hero Holzfeuer on vocals, are guitarists Inzo der Barrakuda and Vielmehr Klampfe, and drummer Gellend Adler.

The band's sound is best represented by tracks such as Predator, Terminator, Commando, Total Recall and Eraser. Meaty riffs, booming drums, rock-solid bass and the furiously heroic vocals are all present in these tracks. Some of the guitar work on the album is quite understated yet effective; it's never flashy but by Crom, it sounds good! 

Another highlight is the drumming of Gellend Adler. He drives many of the tracks with his busy percussive style, also using the toms to great effect to create extra rhythms. Of particular note is his drum solo, Wheel of Pain, inspired by the trials of Conan. It's extra notable for the attention paid to use every part of the drums in the solo.

The band, however, don't just play fourteen songs that all sound the same. There are also touches that get away from the more common ArnoCore sound. Raw Deal is a smashing punk song that would not have been out of place on an 80s Californian punk record. Last Action Hero takes the established ArnoCorps feature and adds an anthemic backing vocal line. One of my favourite tracks though is Crom (Strong On His Mountain). Telling the inspiring tale of Conan, and featuring his seeming rejection of Crom, the song bears some resemblance in sound to that commonly found in Celtic folk, and also features a ballsy, anthemic chanting vocal. It also ensures that it teaches what is best in life, as Holzfeuer reminds us that what is best in life is to 'crush your enemies seen driven before you' and 'hear the lamentation of their women'. Fine advices, I'm sure you'll agree.

The Verdict

I said at the start it would be a mistake to write ArnoCorps off as just a comedy band. That's because the band's music is seriously good fun. It doesn't reinvent the wheel (of pain) but it's not meant to. It's designed, first and foremost, to entertain, and it certainly does that. 

The Greatest Band Of All Time is a tricky album to find but it's worth tracking down. It would also be remiss of me not to observe that the band's releases since then have seen a vast improvement in both sound and song crafting. It's a helluva lot of fun to lose yourself in the mythology, don't get me wrong; Holzfeuer's Facebook page, for example, is a source of mirth where everyone is in on the act, so to speak. But ArnoCorps are serious about their craft, and they're serious about the ballsy action-adventure lifestyle.

So yeah, check out this album. Though I (and ArnoCorps) are not responsible for the side-effects: increased muscle mass, the newfound ability to carry entire trees ON YOUR FUCKING SHOULDER and ballsy defiance in smoking your stogies wherever you want.

My rating: *** and a half

Standout Tracks

Crom (Strong On His Mountain)

Total Recall

Commando

Tomorrow's album, again, will depend on whether or not I have my laptop back. After that though, the LOAD Project will be back on track!