"Album" #148: The Eurovision Song Contest 2014 Super Special Part Two!

The Eurovision Song Contest 2014

Super Special Part Two

A few days ago, I reviewed the first half of this year's Eurovision Song Contest. One of the notable things about the rejected songs and the shockers that do fail badly in the final is that they are either surprisingly good, or utterly terrible. There also tends to be, as the contest goes on and gets towards the winner, less utterly crap songs and more schlocky, bog standard trashy Europop, and it invariably all ends up sounding much the same.

Was 2014 different? Will this be a year where the top ten songs are all high quality jams, full of amazing hooks and melodic mastery? Or will we get shit like this? Let's find out.

The Songs and Verdicts and General Observations

18th - Elaiza (Germany) with Is It Right

Decidedly not shit neofolk with typical pop structures and hooks. The use of traditional instruments is good, and not in an Ireland type DROWN IT OUT kind of way. 5/10

17th - Molly (United Kingdom) with Children of the Universe

So string. Very anthem. Much grandiose. NOT WOW. Get your own anthemic chant without ripping off John Lennon. Three minutes of cliche jammed up the wazoo. 4/10

16th - Teo (Belarus) with Cheesecake

Teo does not want to be cheesecake. Therefore he is leaving his relationship due to his desire not to be cheesecake. It's like something Paolo Nutini would write if he suddenly became a completely talentless hack. 3/10

15th - Pollaponk (Iceland) with No Prejudice

Its light skatepunk influences are decent, though for the most part it's closer to fun Smashmouth type 90s rock radio. The inclusion of porn guitar is an absolute winner. Catchy stuff from the Anti-Hives and one of the standout tracks of Eurovision 2014. 7/10

14th - Donatan and Cleo (Poland) with We Are Slavic

Vomitous tuneless bile that needed a milkmaid with E-cups suggestively working a butter churn (by 'suggestively' I mean 'she looked like she was lasciviously wanking you off') to gain any votes from Europe. That this finished 14th is both an affront to music and a tribute to the power of hot blondes with big boobs dressed as milkmaids. Fucking terrible "music". 0/10

13th - Sebalter (Switzerland) with Hunter of Stars

In a Eurovision full of lame neofolkpop, it takes something extraordinarily terrible to be considered the shittiest lame neofolkpop. Stop fucking whistling and let the violin player play some more, because the violin solo is INFUCKINGSANE. 2/10

12th - Paula Seving and Ovi (Romania) with Miracle

Far from the worst EURODANCEPOPMEGACHORUSHOOK song that's ever been in Eurovision. Manages to pump out that trashy electropop sound that only Eurovision can manage while maintaining melody and a decent hook. One bonus point for an effective key change. 5.5/10

11th - Softengine (Finland) with Something Better

BEHOLD as some dudes from Finland blatantly steal Panic at the Disco's emo themes and sounds. It would be okay if it wasn't TOO FUCKING LOUD, so loud that it obliterates any kind of musical nuance. Disappointing as it had potential to be decent. 4/10

10th - Ruth Lorenzo (Spain) with Dancing in the Rain

A bit like the Romanian entry, it's anthemic booming Eurosynthpop albeit with a slower tempo and a mournful piano entree. Unlike the Romanian entry it has no energy or bounce whatsoever. Good voice though. 5/10

9th - Basim (Denmark) with Cliche Love Song

Look no further for lyrical mastery than this song ("Shoobiedoobiedopbop/Badoobiedawopbop/I love you"). Pleasant radiofriendly pop but hardly memorable. 5.5/10

8th - Carl Espen (Norway) with Silent Storm

Emotionally wrenching music with over-reverberated lyrics and minimalist sad sweeping piano arrangements. At least it is until Phil Spector's Norwegian cousin Olaf kicks in with a MASSIVE WALL OF STRINGS that somehow don't manage to make the song anything other than totally boring. 3.5/10

7th - Tolmachevy Sisters (Russia) with Shine

In the words of Europe: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Like most songs today, it is so boring it evokes no feeling. Even outright hatred seems like too much effort for this bland, forgettable dirge. Though Europe, it appears, disagree (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO). 2/10

6th - Mariya Yaremchuk (Ukraine) with Tick-Tock

The performance featured a man dancing in a hamster wheel. Why? Fuck knows. Maybe it's an allegory for the Ukrainian political crisis. Or alternatively the Ukraine realised they needed something to distract from the cookie-cutter cliche pop lyrics and equally cliched production. 3/10

5th - Andras Kallay-Saunders (Hungary) with Running

Sure, the dude thinks he's Craig David, and he's got a really smooth, soulful voice; in fact I think he's probably better than singing the fifth place Eurovision song. Unfortunately the song he's singing doesn't quite measure up, even if it's a creditable effort to actually implement changing dynamics by shifting between emotional balladry and pumping dance tune. Far from the worst tune. 6.5/10

4th - Aram MP3 (Armenia) with Not Alone

Rubbish lyrics and FUCKING STUPID FUCKING DUBSTEP SHIT aside, buried under the crappy dubstep is a rather subtle pop ballad with actual attention and care paid to its composition. The dynamic shift from ballad to DUBSTEP WOOO is slow, careful and builds tension well, as the synths, strings and horns add to each other like a wave. Got a great vocal too. A worthy Top 5 tune. 6/10

And now, the Top 3...........

3rd - Sanna Nielsen (Sweden) with Undo

A boring, repetitive and ultimately safe Eurovision tune. It's perfect for Eurovision though, because it is safe, grand pop that is magnificently sung by the talented Nielsen. Compared to the two previous songs that at least took a few risks, it is dull and lifeless. 4/10

2nd - The Common Linnets (Netherlands) with Calm After The Storm

Times must be tough for Angus and Julia Stone if they are now pretending to be Dutch and foisting their crap brand of lame acoustofolk on the world.

What do you mean it's not Angus and Julia Stone? 4/10

And....at number 1.....THE WINNER WAS.....

Conchita Wurst (Austria) with Rise Like A Phoenix

Do me a favour. Listen to this song, but close your eyes. Picture naked female silhouettes swimming out of silhouetted guns and doing the breaststroke in between the words "SEAN" and "CONNERY". 

Why?

It's a Bond theme. Listen to the overly dramatic, theatrical strings, horns and soaring vocals and tell me this DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A BOND THEME.

It's a worthy winner though.  6/10

So there you have it, the 37 songs from Eurovision 2014 reviewed and rated. All that's really left to say is that JAMES BOND EUROVISION WILL RETURN IN 2015.

"Album" #144 : The Eurovision Song Contest 2014 Super Special Part One!

The Eurovision Song Contest Super Special

Part One (2014)

Oh come on, you all knew this had to happen, right?

Eurovision is a guilty pleasure. There's something oddly comforting in the consistency of Eurovision - at least, the consistency in providing the cheesiest of musical experiences, as well as the sheer enjoyment of watching countries (particularly those in the Eastern Bloc) who are still trying to play catchup with the Western world, and are sending artists who are still stuck in 1995.

A recap of this year's contest was requested; I was already planning it but the request confirmed it needed to happen. For convenience I have split the 37 participating songs into two parts, based on finishing positions (the semi-final losers - yes, you read that correctly, the songs NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR THE FINAL OF EUROVISION) have been ranked based on points scored. Additionally, my reviewing will be different: each song will have a brief comment and a score out of 10.

Part One is today; Part Two will follow in a few days time because nobody should have to listen to 37 Eurovision songs straight through. Part One features songs 37 to 19. The scum of the competition. The lowest of the low. The shittiest songs according to the people of Europe.

Hold onto your hats.

The Songs And Verdicts And General Observations

37th - Cristina Scarlat (Moldova) with  Wild Soul

You are the worst song in Eurovision 2014 for a reason. Your husky vocals and overblown synthesiser effects do not distract us from the boredom within. 2/10

36th - The Shin and Mariko (Georgia) with Three Minutes to Earth

I guess there's just no room at Eurovision for Georgian scat singing jazz. Which is a shame because this song features some very nice flamenco-style acoustic guitar work. Unfortunately apart from that and a key change there's not much happening. 6/10

35th - Mei Finegold (Israel) with Same Heart

Is it rock? Is it pop? Is it EDM? Nobody knows, least of all the husky-voiced (there's a theme this year kids) Mei Finegold. 3/10

34th - Hersi (Albania) with One Night's Anger

Hersi is a rather talented singer. Albania decide to channel the spirit of Evanescence, all ANGRY GOTH/SYMPHONIC METAL RIFFS and FUCK YEAH GUITAR SOLOS. The result is decent but it's never gonna win DancePopOVision. 6/10

33rd - Axel Hirsoux (Belgium) with Mother

Firstly, Axel is a DUDE. Secondly, he's a dude with a SERIOUSLY FUCKING GOOD VOICE. Thirdly, OPERATIC NONSENSE HAS NO PLACE AT EUROVISION, BELGIUM. NO. PLACE. 3/10

32nd - Aarzemnieki (Latvia) with Cake To Bake

These are the lyrics. You should read them.

I think they're joking. I hope they're joking. 1/10. (Unless they're joking. In which case, 1.1/10.)

31st - Tijana (Macedonia) with To The Sky

David Guetta outsources his rich, expansive dance production style to somebody with absolutely zero talent whatsoever. Nothing at all happens whatsoever in three minutes which is a fucking achievement in itself for a dance music track. 0/10

30th - Can-Linn ft. Kasey Smith (Ireland) with Heartbeat

HEY LOOK WE ARE IRISH AND WE USED TRADITIONAL IRISH INSTRUMENTS WE ARE TRULY IRISH CELTIC IRISH IRISH but we drowned them out with huge drony synthesiser chords and PHAT KLUB BEATZ so you can't hear them oh well. 2/10

29th - Tanja (Estonia) with Amazing

Wins the award of Biggest Song Misnomer At Eurovision this year. Still, Tanja is an amazing singer, one of the best in the competition in my view, so three bonus points for that. 3/10

28th - Vilija (Lithuania) with Attention

You got it for about an eighth of a second, then lost it forever. The obsession with WOW LOUD EDM SYNTH CHORDS WOOWWWWW is wearing very thin. 0/10

27th - Suzy (Portugal) with Quero Ser Tua

Bouncy fun dancepop WITH AN ACCORDION. DANCE MUSIC. WITH AN ACCORDION. 5/10

26th - TWIN TWIN (France) with Moustache

Merde. -12/10

25th - Tinkara Kovac (Slovenia) with Round And Round

FLUTE SOLO!!! YEAH!!! Followed by......um.......  3/10

24th - Valentina Monetta (San Marino) with Maybe

Starts off nice as a sombre piano ballad but then it remembers HEY IT'S EUROVISION and in come the sweeping strings and DEEP EDM BEATZ YO. Not completely shit but still pretty shit. 4/10

23rd - Firelight (Malta) with Coming Home

I WILL WAIT I WILL WAIT FOR YOU to vote for this thinking it's Mumford and Sons. A decent stab at neo-folk with some enchanting (and magnificent) vocal performances. One of the better songs in the whole contest and rollicking good fun. 7/10

22nd - Dilara Kazimova (Azerbaijan) with Start A Fire

Another example of stunning voice, lame song. The arrangement is melodramatic, and really their best bet would have been to let Dilara sing a capella because HOLY CRAP SHE IS GOOD. 5/10

21st - Emma (Italy) with La mia citta

It's a pop rock song for thirty seconds, just long enough to get you interested, before BAM! You cop a load of creamy EDM SYNTH in the face and the song is ruined beyond redemption. 3.5/10

20th - Freaky Fortune ft RiskyKidd (Greece) with Rise Up

Nobody's rising up at this piece of shit. 2/10

19th - Sergej Cetkovic (Montenegro) with Moj svijet

You're a smooth motherfucker, Sergej, I'll give you that, crooning your way through this tender, mildly folky ballad. 5/10

There you have it, kids. Part One completed. Stay tuned for Part 2 which is supposed to have the best songs in it.

But this is Eurovision and that never happens.

Album #140: Elbow - Build A Rocket Boys!

Elbow

Build a Rocket Boys! (2011)

The first time I heard Lancastrian indie rockers Elbow, I didn't even know it was Elbow. A song was played on Triple J, and the vocalist sounded eerily like Peter Gabriel - so eerily like that I actually thought it was Peter Gabriel.

"Hey cool!" I thought. "I don't know this Peter Gabriel song!"

Going home to Google, I typed in a fragment of lyrics ("There's a hole in my neighbourhood/Down which of late I cannot help but fall") and found out that it wasn't a Peter Gabriel song. It had nothing to do with Peter Gabriel. It was Grounds For Divorce by Elbow. (Though I was later to find out that not only was Gabriel the idol of lead singer Guy Garvey, but that Garvey had, on occasion, sought out Gabriel's advice on music - as he did during the recording of Build A Rocket Boys!).

My interest piqued, I grabbed their album The Seldom Seen Kid and was hooked. So when followup Build a Rocket Boys!  was released in 2011, I just had to purchase it. As it's one of my favourite albums of the past few years, today's review will be more of an explanation to why I enjoy it so much.

The Album

Through its eleven tracks, Build a Rocket Boys! manages to tell a series of vignettes that deal with life and its many stages; youth, relationships (both the start and the end of them), broken hearts and even the inevitability of time defeating us all. This is done through some emotionally wrenching compositions, where musical space is paramount. Tying it all together is Garvey, whose lyrics paint the most remarkable watercolour images in the mind; and his vocals, with that now familiar Gabrielesque husk, alternate from painfully heart-tearing to an enthralling soar, without neglecting the space inbetween.

The brilliant The Birds opens the album in slow burning fashion; a guitar motif accompanied by a simple rhythm section, and Garvey's gentle vocal, covers the first half....but it's the introduction of a repeated, seemingly randomised keyboard motif that heralds the second half of the song, where strings and an energised high vocal from Garvey create a positively glorious atmosphere...not bad for a song that lyrically observes that from our perspective, it's the birds that are seemingly the only constants in our lives, observing everything. 

It's a brilliant start because it really sets the tone for the album; constant shifts in dynamics, atmospheric production and a real attention to emotional detail. Songs like Lippy Kids, The Night Will Always Win, The River and The Birds (Reprise) signify the lower points of the dynamic rollercoaster...and they're all brilliant. Lippy Kids tries to put a positive spin on adolescence, painting it as a truly glorious time of life, probably the last time you're ever truly free; musically it's dominated by a haunting piano melody, Garvey's plaintive cries and some tender, subtle strings. The Night Will Always Win is an utterly sublime piece of songwriting; emotionally draining, incredibly depressing but extraordinarily beautiful; it's quite minimalist, with only a spooky piano motif and Garvey taking centre stage, but the vocalist produces something extraordinary here that needs to be heard to be believed. The River also uses a piano melody, this one very blue in tone again, and accompanied by the wonderful Halle Youth Choir, which adds even more texture...and of course, there's more wonderful vocals from the brilliant Garvey.

Yet all of these are topped by the superb Jesus Is A Rochdale Girl. Telling the story of Garvey's first girlfriend, it's another minimalist tune, driven by Garvey's very matter-of-fact vocal that barely gets above a grumble, and lyrics that pretty much anyone who has ever moved in with a partner can relate to.

The peppier moments are on With Love, Neat Little Rows and High Ideals. The middle track is the best one here, as Elbow rediscover their muscular rock sound; a riff from Mark Potter sets the scene, matched by Richard Jupp's booming, rhythmic drums; before Craig Potter's keyboards harmonise with Garvey's vocal. The chorus is lavish and grand, with some sleigh bells as a nice percussive touch. Yet the best part is about halfway through when suddenly the atmosphere is remarkably altered; brass arrangements provide a loud, booming bottom end and the whole thing just sounds huge. With Love is probably the album's happiest sounding song, and given the subject matter and lyrics that's fairly apt; again, the Halle Youth Choir are here, but chanting in a very 'Manc' manner (according to Garvey), and its bright guitar/keys riff is very pleasant. High Ideals continues the minimalist approach in the verses, just bass, piano, light percussion and Garvey; this is punctuated by an Indian music inspired guitar motif.

When closing track Dear Friends comes to an end, after a rather poignant reflection on the nature of friendship, you're left with the ghosts of Garvey's past, as well as thoughts of your own...and the realisation that the album has done its job as a piece of art, commenting on the human condition.

The Verdict

Build a Rocket Boys! is essential listening. It doesn't have the punch or gravitas of some of Elbow's earlier work, and criticism of the album for sounding like a Garvey solo vehicle is somewhat warranted, to be fair...but it's another example of a band doing Coldplay far better than Coldplay themselves; this album actually packs an emotional punch because it does what bands like Coldplay don't - it uses subtlety and minimalism to enhance the emotive passages, rather than trying to overwhelm you with grandeur. The grand moments are there but they are used sparingly for greater effect - it's brilliant songwriting.

Not everyone's cup of tea, I'll grant you, but I think it's absolutely worth the time for those who are willing to invest time in it.

My rating: 9.0/10

Standout Tracks

The Birds

Neat Little Rows

The Night Will Always Win

Jesus Is A Rochdale Girl

Album #139: The Black Keys - Turn Blue

The Black Keys

Turn Blue (2014)

When Ohioans The Black Keys first came out in 2002, they garnered cult attention because of their stripped back, lo-fi, raw bluesy sound (created by just a drummer and a guitarist/vocalist). For the majority of their first four studio albums, this was the band's blueprint - gutsy, edgy, ballsy blues rock, with a seriously dirty aesthetic....but there was something undeniably real about The Black Keys' music. Its rawness gave it an imperfect quality that was part of its charm.

Well, that and it fucking rocked.

The writing was on the wall though with Brothers; the band's sound was ever so slowly changing to include heavy keyboards and more lavish production values, thanks to their collaboration with producer Danger Mouse. This continued (combined with a decision to write hooky hit singles) on the allegedly quite critically popular El Camino. 

The band's latest release, Turn Blue, keeps this lavish production going, again thanks to Danger Mouse's obsession with keyboards. Though this time, the hooks and sharpness of El Camino have been replaced with moody introspection and psychedelia. Does this represent the next stage of The Black Keys' 'evolution', or are there signs that the magic of old is on the wane?

The Album

The magic isn't on the wane, it's on fucking life support. Those early hallmarks are all but dead; where once the music burned with ballsy blues, today it simpers with snotty synthesised pop. Where once guitarist Dan Auerbach's axe sounded like a series of tuned chainsaws scything their way through a forest of rock and roll, today it is reduced to jangly chords buried under layers of keyboard, only briefly peeping out to show its stuff. There's no dry, lo-fi feel anymore, because The Black Keys have joined the ranks of the slickly-produced, commercially appealing. It probably doesn't help either that Auerbach's marriage was disintegrating during recording, because that too contributes to the sad, moroseness enveloping the album's sound.

And I for one think that's a fucking shame, because anything from Thickfreakness, Rubber Factory or even Attack & Release is more interesting, entertaining and dynamic than the entirety of Turn Blue. For that we must blame Danger Mouse; rather than letting the essence of The Black Keys be at the forefront of the songs, it must instead be buried under layers of keyboard. At times (Turn Blue, Fever and 10 Lovers especially) the band are less earthy blues rock and more synth/dancepop band and that is an absolute travesty against music; to reduce two men with a gift for filthy, muscular blues to little more than the 21st Century version of Roxette with guitars is fucking disgusting. Other times, like on the potentially good but not quite there In Time, the songs are crying out for production restraint, to let the sombre, introspective guitar tone tell the story and carry the song...except Danger Mouse has to RUIN EVERYONE'S SHIT with his fucked up 80s pop keyboards. And when they're not playing synthpop, they're playing fairly predictable, safe guitar pop (Gotta Get Away, the Flaming Lipsesque Waiting On Words and Year In Review), though even these tunes are decent; Gotta Get Away in particular is the only uptempo, rollicking moment on the album, with a decent little solo from Auerbach, while Year In Review features a great introspective lyric.

The album's three shining moments occur almost by accident. Two of them are remarkably psychedelic space rock in nature, while the third (It's Up To You Now) is one of only two non-Danger Mouse produced tracks (the other, unsurprisingly, is the rollicking keys-free Gotta Get Away.) Opening track Weight Of Love sounds eerily like early to mid 70s Pink Floyd, and that's not just because The Black Keys have basically stolen the chord progression from the Floyd's Breathe, but the acoustic guitars, simplistic Roger Waters-style bass, wailing guitar work and drummer Patrick Carney's Nick Mason impressions on the kit essentially make this a pure copy of the Floydian psychedelic sound. Nevertheless it's a great song, with two superb solos from Auerbach. Bullet In The Brain is also terrific psychedelic pop/rock, with spooky space rock keyboards, more Mason-style adventures from Carney and some haunting, hollow reverb-drenched vocals. It's Up To You Now is the only song that calls to mind the earlier sounds of the band; rumbling rhythms from Carney's toms, buzzy guitar (and supporting keyboard - SUPPORTING, Mr Danger Mouse, not DOMINATING THE GODDAMNED MIX PISSING EVERYONE OFF YOU ARSEHAT), some thick, chunky blues riffs and an equally meaty Auerbach solo. It was the only time in 45 minutes that I felt like I was actually listening to the same Black Keys who recorded songs like Have Love, Will Travel and I Got Mine.

The Verdict

No doubt Triple M are fucking falling over themselves to fellate the latest singles from The Black Keys. Additionally, I'm sure critics are falling over themselves to laud this as a 'masterpiece' and 'nuanced' and 'evidence of their continued evolution as a band to a more mainstream aesthetic'.

FUCK. ALL. THAT. BULLSHIT.

Turn Blue is decidedly poor, the sound of a band being ruined by a combination of wanktastic production and some sort of sick desire to become the new Duran Duran or something. There's very little here to recommend to anyone - old school lovers of the Black Keys (like me) will find that the fucking raucous edge that made them so appealing has been dulled completely, while people who thought that El Camino was their first album won't find any simple rocking hooks here.

I'm sure you wanted to make a moody, introspective album about your heartbreak, Dan......if only there were a style of music perfectly suited to tales of heartbreak, revenge, love and loss....perhaps with the name of a colour in it.....blues maybe.......

My rating: 4.8/10

Standout Tracks

Gotta Get Away

Weight of Love

It's Up To You Now

Album #131: Eels - Wonderful, Glorious

Eels
Wonderful, Glorious (2013)

I only know of Eels by reputation. Bandleader (well, actually, to be fair, he is the band) E (real name Mark Everett) is a doyen of the indie rock scene, and generally seen as one of the more genre-hopping musicians of the modern age. By extension, Eels have been a band impossible to pigeonhole, such has their sound and style changed from album to album. They've done standalone records, a concept trilogy, and albums dealing with Everett's long, troubled family history.

Last year's Wonderful, Glorious was developed by E by jamming with the band's current supporting musicians (though all songs are credited solely to Everett). Reviewers at the time highlighted the album's harder indie edge, while pointing out that Everett, unusually, sounded happy, in stark contrast to the band's often dark, depressing mood. 

The Album

Combining edgy indie rock with jazz and even 60's garage rock influences, Wonderful, Glorious is musically quite an interesting, and very listenable, album. The drumming is often heavily reliant on big rumbling tom rhythms, the bass playing is solid and occasionally super-groovy, while the guitars alternate between intertwined picked melodies and fuzzy, scratchy distorted riffs. 

The raw, 60s edge can be heard on Peach Blossom and Your Mama Warned You. Both have sparsely recorded guitars and crackly vocal lines, though the former also has a snappy, dry drum sound that gives the recording a mildly lo-fi edge. Peach Blossom also cleverly uses some sweeter keyboard lines to offset the scratchy fuzz of the guitars. The countryesque drawl of On The Ropes provides one of the album's genuinely beautiful moments, while The Turnaround is the album's choice tune; those meandering guitar lines mix together beautifully, while Everett's vocal moves from a lower, ethereal lilt to an urgent, anguished cry at the song's climax. New Alphabet is like a Beck castoff, its bluesy riff and matter-of-fact gruff lyric calling to mind anything from Beck's golden period of the 90s, Stick Together creates a catchy jazz vibe thanks to the chord progression hook and the jazz club tom rhythms, while the underrated Wonderful, Glorious melds disco stylings in the verses with pure Beach Boysesque multi-tracked harmony vocals and organs in the choruses.

It's not all good news for mine, though. Everett is a wonderful songwriter; a real storyteller with a gift for conveying power and emotion through lyric, vocal and music together. Yet his gruff, raspy vocal doesn't always work with the material, and can be too scratchy for mine - for example, the otherwise decent Bombs Away, featuring a quite glorious vocal about no longer holding your tongue when speaking to others, can be a tough listen when Everett's hacking away. The better songs on the album also happen to be songs where either that rasp works well, or it isn't really as noticeable. Additionally, some songs are little more than filler - for instance, Accident Prone, which could have been a half-decent edgy indie folk tune, ends up being little more than a laboratory combination of Iggy Pop and Lou Reed, all gnarled growl and deep-voiced tuneless warble, while Open My Present and You're My Friend don't exactly set the world on fire. 

The Verdict

There are probably better albums to start off with if you're going to explore the Eels catalogue than Wonderful, Glorious. E's vocal stylings take some getting used to, and it would be interesting to hear how he handles a softer approach to music. Nevertheless, it's a decent slice of indie rock that proves there's still a place in indie music for an abrasive, edgy aesthetic.

My rating: 6.9/10

Standout Tracks

The Turnaround

New Alphabet

Peach Blossom

Album #115: Violent Soho - Hungry Ghost

Violent Soho

Hungry Ghost (2013)

Violent Soho are another one of those local Aussie bands that Triple J are happy to flog the crap out of just so you can't criticise them for only playing hip hop or fucking shithouse dubstep or seventeenth-rate EDM. The members of the band proudly list Sonic Youth, Nirvana and other 90s alternogrunge bands as influences, and have spent the last few years slogging their way around Australia, playing gigs and recording albums (you know, the old fashioned way of getting your tunes out there and doing what you love).

Last year was arguably the band's real breakout year, though. They released their third album, Hungry Ghost (which has some rather lurid, craptacular cover art, it must be said), which featured the song Covered In Chrome, a top 20 song in the 2013 Hottest 100. The album, and the song, are the first charters the band has had in Australia, with the album reaching a creditable number 6 on the charts.

I thought it might be nice to check it out.

The Album

The 90s grunge influence is all over this album. Ballsy, dirty riffs abound, supported by powerful, energetic drumming and vocals that are not so much singing as they are bellowing into the microphone. This is tied together by a production aesthetic that keeps the music loud, powerful and dynamic, while allowing the quieter parts of the songs to be clearer in sound. To the band's credit, there are also a few tracks where they demonstrate more of an indie pop/rock sensibility, turning the volume down slightly on the cacophonous riffwork.

Cacophonous riffwork though is the theme of the day. Opening duo Dope Calypso and Lowbrow combine grungy riffs with careful building of intensity through the verse (in typical grunge style), though the latter features a bridge that constitutes rather an interesting musical shift, being melodic and more atmospheric. Covered In Chrome has a great, catchy riff structure that's got plenty of crunch, however the trite, second rate lyrics make the vocal sound like the fauxest of faux outrage (plus the YEEAHYEAAHYEEAHYEEAH bit is downright fucking annoying). Gold Coast and Liars keep the bog-standard grunge coming, while Eightfold veers more towards the post-hardcore pairing angry, energetic riffs with a wildly manic vocal line.

Through the middle of the album Violent Soho demonstrate a more nuanced approach, and dare I say it, this is the most musically interesting portion of the album. Saramona Said and OK Cathedral take a more commercial alternative path and sound perfect for high rotation on Triple M (and I mean that not in a disrespectful way), while Fur Eyes is the closest thing on the album to an indie pop song - harmonies, sweet guitar licks and a strong focus on melody replace the monster riffs and angsty vocals. It is also quite a good little song. Even In The Aisle, despite it also being quite a speedy, rocking tune has some subtle differences that mark it as closer to indie/post-punk in sound, like Interpol on steroids.

The Verdict

If Hungry Ghost represents the full arrival of Violent Soho as a feature part of the Australian music scene, then it's certainly a good way to mark that arrival. It's a decent, driving rock album with enough subtlety to mark Violent Soho as a band to watch through their next couple of releases. It doesn't set the world on fire, and sometimes all that fire and energy seems to be for show, but it gets the blood pumping and is a nice alternative to all that jangly meandering indie that fills the airwaves.

My rating: ***

Standout Tracks

Fur Eyes

Eightfold

In The Aisle

Up next: an Australian band named after a Neil Young song. 

Album #108: Cloud Nothings - Here and Nowhere Else

Cloud Nothings

Here and Nowhere Else (2014)

Cloud Nothings started life as a one man band - specifically, Dylan Baldi, using GarageBand in his parents' basement to record entire songs by himself. Baldi, who was studying saxophone performance at university, used the power of Myspace (remember that? Me neither) to create a number of fake bands to put out his solo musical creations. One of those, Cloud Nothings, attracted some label attention - enough to warrant the release of an EP, and the beginnings of a musical career for Baldi.

Dropping out of university, and recruiting a band to perform the band's material live, Baldi began recording and releasing studio albums, the first two by himself. Starting with the band's third album, Attack on Memory, the live band joined Baldi in the studio. This release, Here and Nowhere Else, was released just twenty days ago. It sees the group veer away from their earlier melodic lo-fi style and adopt something altogether different.

The Album

This is not melodic indie lo-fi as the band's Wiki page claims their previous works were. This, instead, is raucous, raw, loud and abrasive indie/punk, that casts one's musical memory back to the 70s punk sound of bands like The Stooges and The Ramones (indeed, Baldi himself claimed that at least one of the songs on the album was similar in style to English art punk legends Wire). While Baldi is a competent guitarist and songwriter, and his noisy guitar (complemented well by the buzzing bass of TJ Duke) is partly responsible for fuelling those punk comparisons, it's drummer Jayson Gerycz who is the real star on this record; his thunderous, furiously quick tempo beats are frequently punctuated by maniacally frenzied machine gun fills and rolls, and it's his efforts that underpin the punk aesthetic on the record.

In keeping with said punk aesthetic, the album is short - eight tracks, clocking in at just over thirty minutes - and even that is padded out by two longer tracks at the close. The first six tracks are all in the three minute range, and all of them burn with the kind of furious, carefree energy of those early punk artists. Yet there are enough subtle differences in the compositions to at least make each song interesting to listen to. 

Barnstorming opener Now Hear In sets the tone, all abrasive riffs and cymbal-heavy, powerful drumming. Quieter Today adds a slight hook in the chorus to complement the cacophonous indie/punk sound, but it's not until the third track, Psychic Trauma, that the band begin to show an element of nuance. A brooding, slower start suddenly explodes into life, with Gerycz engaging drummer beast mode and signalling the song's thundering ascendancy into full on punk. It's the first time also where producer John Congleton's decision to leave Baldi's vocals lower in the mix, allowing the instrumentation to take prominence, really stands out. The last thirty seconds are an assault on the senses, with all three members producing a caterwaul of noise before the song's end.

Just See Fear is the most evocative of those early Stooges/Ramones recordings, with a straight-ahead, simple riff that drives the song, along with Gerycz's snappy drumwork. Giving Into Seeing straddles the line between indie and punk, dipping a toe over each side of the line throughout. The tom-heavy rhythms are more indie in style while the cheese-grater riffs are pure punk sensibilities. The track, however, is slightly ruined by a whiffy vocal performance and an outro that outstays its welcome. No Thoughts is another example of nuance, with the wall of guitar noise stripped away in the verses to bring the vocals to the forefront, though there's no loss of frenetic energy.

The final two tracks are interesting in that they contrast, in some ways, with the other material. Pattern Walks is a seven minute long punk/indie odyssey, and to the band's credit, there's enough shifts in the song to keep it interesting for the most part. It's the first time on the album where a riff hasn't been massive, raw chords; rather, it's a picked (but still heavily distorted) pattern. There are some clumsy attempts to create shifting contrasts in dynamics, but they're not so much light and shade as they are darkness and slightly lighter darkness. There's even a noise solo which consists of Baldi hacking at his strings like a madman. Sensibly, at the four and a half minute mark, the song changes slightly; there's no let up in tempo or intensity, but there's a change in the chord progression and the arrangement goes from a pared-back basic framework to a massive orchestral feel, thanks to the gradual adding of layers (and the clever use of keyboards as a prominent layer to provide a sweeter contrast to the bitter guitars.) It shows some evidence of a developing ability to create longer compositions, but still needs work.

Closing track I'm Not Part Of Me is, unsurprisingly, the album's primary single. I say 'unsurprisingly' because it's unquestionably the most commercial, 'poppy' track on the album. It combines a melodic, hooky riff with the band's raw, heavy aesthetic, and even the vocals (complete with harmonies) are pleasant and somewhat appealing. The guitars are stripped of most of their venom, especially in the verses. Even when they reappear, they are not as insanely loud as on the other tracks. It is quite a catchy, decent tune however, and to Cloud Nothings' credit, it still sounds like them - there's no 'sellout' of their aesthetic to appeal to a mass market. It's more a lowering of intensity.

The Verdict

It's pleasing that in 2014 there's still room for some roughly recorded, raucous sounding 70s punk inspired indie rock. Here and Nowhere Else might lack the musical intelligence of other, better, post-punk or post-hardcore bands, but it's still a decent listen and a nice alternative to the plethora of jangly softcock indie rock bands that are currently drenching the indie music scene. I look forward to more work from this Cleveland collective.

My rating: *** and a half

Standout Tracks

Psychic Trauma

I'm Not Part Of Me

Now Hear In

Album #99 : Andre Rieu - And The Waltz Goes On

Andre Rieu

and his Johann Strauss Orchestra

And The Waltz Goes On (2011)

If ever there was a segment of the musical-listening populace that make Pitchfork hipsters seem like fourteen year old One Direction fans, it's classical music lovers. Ever since the rise to power of Dutch violinist Andre Rieu, the classical music world has fallen over itself desperately trying to invalidate his extraordinary success. Classical music stations refuse to play his material, and his concerts are frequently subject to snide criticisms that he is destroying the classical music concert experience.

Of course, Rieu himself does little to help this, boasting that his orchestra are SUPER GREAT AND KEWL and often attacking both his critics (stuffy musical elites) and other musicians (NOT UP TO HIS LOFTY STANDARD). In short, it seems Rieu is a wanker...but a successful wanker.

Remarkably, amongst the glut of live albums he has released (more live albums than the number of ET Atari 2600 cartridges buried in a New Mexico landfill), there have also been some studio works. This is one of them - 2011's And The Waltz Goes On. It's that album that I, with my limited knowledge of classical music, have tackled today.

I really wish I hadn't.

The Album

It's a shitload of waltzes. 

What more can I say? This album is Rieu's collection of assorted waltzes from 'around the world', that world consisting of:

• Austria
• Germany
• Finland
• France

And that's it. Sure, there's a waltz written by Rieu and his first violinist, Frank Steijns, about New Zealand but it's not a waltz from New Zealand, is it?

Anyway, to the music. One thing that Rieu and his Johann Strauss Orchestra (AHJSO) do well is bring out emotion in the music - romantic waltzes are sweet, hopeful and lingering, sadder waltzes bubble with cellos and horns, and mournful violins, while the more bombastic, grandiose works overflow with explosions of percussion. There are also some songs of note on the album, either due to being covers of non-waltz tracks or because of guests.

One of those is the album's namesake track, And The Waltz Goes On. Composed by actor and occasional dabbler in classical composition, Sir Anthony Hopkins, it contains several distinct movements, mostly being of a very sombre, depressing tone, though there is briefly a brighter movement in the middle of the song. It's a great example of sonata form, and, it must be said, one of the best pieces on the album. The French waltz, La petite valse, is bright and bubbly, containing several nice touches on the accordion for that extra French feel. The undisputed highlight however is that aforementioned 'New Zealand' waltz, Dreaming Of New Zealand, a beautiful piece (described on Rieu's website as 'dreamlike', and that's an accurate description) made absolutely stunning by Kiwi soprano Hayley Westenra's magnificent singing performance. Say what you like about Rieu but he and Steijns composed a great piece here.

The rest of the album is wall to wall waltzes (the German/Austrian ones are my favourites, all bombast and fun and classically Viennese) and really, really average covers of other songs. The version of Are You Lonesome Tonight, for instance, shows that if you strip away the vocal, what's left is a simplistic, even quite boring song. The only covers here that do a good job of the original are the theme from Swan Lake, and Music Of The Night, which is from the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, and features a gorgeous violin solo.

Overall, it left me with the impression that it's a cash-in album; go in, record some classic waltzes, find a few new pieces and fill the rest with well-known 'popular' versions of tunes so that the oldies can go, "ooh I can't wait to hear how Andre tackles Singin' In The Rain" (the answer, by the way, is quite badly.)

The Verdict

I think the next time I look at a classical album, it'll be something that has been originally written in its entirety, not Mr Classical Man And His Orchestra Peeps Play You Other People's Work For Money. This album is dull, uninteresting and, a few original pieces aside, unoriginal.

But so long as Rieu keeps pumping out populist stuff, who cares? He's found a way to return classical musicians (well, maybe pluralising is being generous, it's pretty much just him) to the pop star status of yesteryear, and hooking heaps of people into classical sounds, even if it's not stuff like classical's own metal musician, Richard Wagner.

My rating: **

Standout Tracks

Dreaming of New Zealand (with Hayley Westenra)

And The Waltz Goes On

La petite valse

Tomorrow's album is Florence And The Machine's Lungs. As a casual Js listener I've been mighty savage on Florence and her machine, so tomorrow I'm going to give it a fresh ear and a proper listen.

Album #88 : Joe Cocker - Fire It Up

Joe Cocker

Fire It Up (2012)

By and large, Joe Cocker has avoided the fate that has befallen many of his hard drinking, hard living contemporaries; namely, turning himself into some second-rate crooner, churning out Christmas albums of songs that have been covered more times than the number of sex workers and waitresses Tiger Woods has banged, and appearing in "spontaneous" staged TV specials wearing expensive, ill-fitting suits and playing with 30-piece orchestras in his lounge room.

(Yes, Rod Stewart, I'm looking at you.)

What Cocker has done is continue to produce soft, adult rock with a bluesy edge, occasionally making forays into balladry and country. Such is the case with Fire It Up, his second album with producer Matt Serletic, and featuring a band made up of session guns (including, rather humourously, Ray Parker Jr. Yep, the bloke who did Ghostbusters.)

The Album

Even after a long, long career, Cocker's voice sounds just as good as it ever has. That gravelly rasp barks out all over the album, and there are no signs of any weakness in his vocal, nor any dropoff in his range. There is, however, one thing that his voice lacks on this album, and that is feeling. Whether it's a reaction to the substandard material he has to work with, or the slick too-perfect production of the album, I'm not sure. But apart from maybe two or three tracks, Cocker is sleepwalking his way through this album...and that's a damn shame.

I don't want to be too critical of producer Serletic either - the album is well produced, none of the instrumentation is too over the top (or too showy, which is a common theme in modern 'popular' music production - we can't have musicians showing that they're good!) and generally, things are in their right place. The problem is that the music is soulless, and Cocker's career-best moments have been where the music and vocals are loaded with soul and feeling.

Positives? Apart from finding out that Cocker still has the goods, I Come In Peace is the album's best track. Penned by Australian rock legends Rick Brewster (The Angels) and Ross Wilson (Daddy Cool, Mondo Rock), it contains occasionally prominent swirls of Hammond organ, giving it an old-school rock feel. There's lots of little layers of piano, acoustic guitar and electric guitar in the mix, and it works well. Additionally, it's one of the few tracks where Cocker puts in a shift and injects some effort into the vocals. Eye On The Prize is another good track, standard smoky blues fare, and again it's made better by Cocker's gravelly snarl. He sounds like he gives a shit and sings accordingly.

Beyond that though, it's all just so by-the-numbers that it disengages the listener. The array of talent enlisted to pen the different tracks is a who's who of professional songwriters, but they are all either country hit makers or pop/rock hitmakers whose stock in trade is bland, inoffensive, radio-friendly staple songs. I really don't feel this befits a gravelly blues/rocker like Cocker. Worse than that, it's like they threw their castoffs to Cocker for this album because most tracks even lack anything remotely resembling a pop hook.

The Verdict

Fire It Up sounds exactly as it should. It's an album slickly produced by a commercial producer, played by musicians who are paid to get in, lay down a basic track and get out again, using songs written by professional songwriters who churn out material for a living. With all that in mind it's no wonder that Joe Cocker has little to work with. Yeah, he sounds disinterested for the most part (actually, that's unkind - maybe it would be kinder to say he's going through the motions) but who's surprised, when the songs themselves sound so nondescript?

At least we know that Joe can still belt out a tune. There's something comforting in that.

My rating: * and a half

Standout Tracks

I Come In Peace

Eye On The Prize

The Letting Go

Tomorrow's album is a power packed New Wave debut by five sassy, talented Californian women.

Album #87 : Girls' Generation - The Boys

Girls' Generation

The Boys (2011)

Alright, look, I'm not gonna lie. A few people requested an album that would potentially score zero stars. I'm assuming this is because these albums are usually so bad that they allow a great deal of potential for mirth and joking. 

So you know what? I'm gonna give you what you want, because this month has been very short of albums that are, without a shadow of hyperbole, unadulterated crimes against nature, science and the universe. 

Today I'm reviewing The Boys, the third studio album by Korean all-girl pop sensations, Girls' Generation. Now, I must confess that I am already somewhat aware of their work. Two years ago, a few of my female students in Grade 6 were all over this group, and were obsessed with Korean culture because of them. A few mornings (at their urgings - this is what you do when you're a teacher, know your students) saw me tuning into PopAsia on SBS, watching unbearable K-Pop and J-Pop.

Let's see what these nine (yes, NINE) Korean pop starlets have to offer. I'm scared.

The Album

Allow me to begin my review with a series of images.

That accurately sums up the experience of listening to Girls' Generation. In fairness to them, I'm not the target market, but I'm going to try and objectively describe their music for you. 

It's overproduced, thumpingly upbeat synthesised dancepop. 

That's all it is.

Oh except for two songs, one of which I liked (My J, which is a very quirky, jaunty and fun little pop ditty with a very sweet melody.)

You'd think, even with this sugary pitch-perfect sappy sound, that this could be achieved by ten, maybe twenty people in total (excepting the nine vocalists).

Well according to the album credits, no fewer than 120 people worked on this album.

120. ON ONE ALBUM.

There are albums recorded by entire symphony orchestras that used less people.

If I were to grab for any other positives (and it'd be like finding a needle in the Andromeda Galaxy) I would say that there is some attempt in creating variety amongst the neverending sea of synthdancepop - Say Yes goes for a 60s vibe and is vaguely successful in challenging it, How Great Is Your Love is a charming little ballad featuring WIND CHIMES, and Oscar hints at a darker, moodier tone.

Oh also the nine girls are really good singers (at least, the ones who take lead vocals are).

That's it.

The Verdict

You know, I can barely muster the feeling to write this review. This music is not meant for me. It's not supposed to be consumed by 33 year old white dudes with families. I feel bad giving it such a harsh rating, and I feel bad making jokes about it because...well, unlike other albums I've savaged, it's just so unpretentious. It's just making fun music for kids who like fun things.

On an objective musical note though, it's just so mechanical. By that I mean the whole thing sounds so perfectly planned that there's no heart or feel. It is a prime example of music as mass-produced commodity. I can't in good conscience celebrate that - even some of the albums I've canned are at least someone trying to make some semblance of 'art'. This doesn't try. It doesn't want to.

In a word, it is meaningless.

My rating: half a star, because My J was, at least, a decent and fun tune to listen to

Standout Tracks

Um............

My J

Tomorrow, the latest release by British soul/blues vocal legend Joe 'My Dad Apparently Once Competed In A Joe Cocker Soundalike Contest And Did Quite Well' Cocker.....does he still have the chops? How many graters has he swallowed this century? Tomorrow, we find out!