Album #2 : Manowar - Kings of Metal

Manowar

Kings of Metal (1988)

I need to start this entry with a disclaimer: since becoming aware of Manowar many years ago, when an old friend tried unsuccessfully to introduce me to their work, I have tended to think of them as some sort of unconscious parody of metal mythology. Consequently, I have seen them as a big joke that it seems everyone - bar their legions of die-hard fans - is in on.

Well, now that I've heard Kings of Metal, their sixth studio album, I can certainly appreciate why they have attracted and held such a loyal fanbase of Metal Warriors...though you'll forgive me if I still think they are ridiculously overblown in both concept and execution. There is, however, enough musical meat in this album to warrant further exploration of their discography.

The Album

Let's start by getting this out of the way - this incarnation of Manowar (this album is the last to feature founding guitarist Ross the Boss) are extremely talented musicians. While all shine on this album at different times, it's vocalist Eric Adams who impresses me the most. Possessing a tremendous vocal range, Adams has the ability to belt out the most bloodcurdling, high-pitched screams committed to record since Ian Gillan made Child in Time. It surprised me not at all to learn that Adams was a huge Deep Purple fan when he was younger, since so many of his finer moments on Kings of Metal are straight from the Gillan playbook.

The album opens with Wheels of Fire, which is the first example of what I described in my listening notes as "kickarse screaming vocal work". I found the rest of the track largely forgettable, which certainly cannot be said for the next track, Kings of Metal. For the first (but not last) time, Manowar spend four minutes basically singing an ode to themselves and how great they are (witness: "Other bands play, MANOWAR KILLS"). It is the very worst in self-congratulatory wank and holy crap it's a bloody good song! It takes everything that is typical about 80s power metal (big riffs, narcissistic lyrics, overblown solos) and multiplies it by about 80. The main riff is cool, the use of fans to sing the MANOWAR KILLS is perfect....it might be utterly self-indulgent bollocks but it's also heaps of fun.

It's in light of the previous track that I found the next song, Heart of Steel, slightly confusing. "YEAH WE ARE FUCKING LOUD AND MANOWAR KILLS AND WE ARE TRUE METAL NOW WITNESS THE POWER OF OUR PIANO-BASED BALLAD SKILLS". Erm....what? It's nice to hear these masters of TEH TROO METULZ do something different but it results in what I found to be another fairly unremarkable tune. However, after that comes one of the most remarkable musical efforts I may have ever heard.

Step forth Joey DeMaio and his bass version of Flight of the Bumblebee, retitled Sting of the Bumblebee. More bass notes in a single song than on an entire Primus album are packed into this 2:50 take on a classical....um, classic. At no stage does it ever sound messy as DeMaio plays his bass like a goddamned machine gun. Absolutely remarkable.

We then unfortunately return to the land of bombastic balladry with The Crown and the Ring, though hey, good work on using a male choir and sweeping orchestration. It was at this point where I started to think that Manowar weren't just singing songs about medieval warrior life...they ACTUALLY THINK THEY ARE VIKINGS OR SOMETHING. Thankfully, the album cranks itself back into overdrive with the rapid, rocking Kingdom Come, with yet more remarkable Eric Adams vocal brilliance.

It's at this point I need to pause and just put an image here for you. It will explain the rest of the album perfectly:

Yes, that is THE ACTUAL MANOWAR. Loincloths and oil ahoy!

The less said about Pleasure Slave, the better. Look, I make no apologies for being able to call bullshit on misogyny. And Pleasure Slave may be one of the most misogynistic songs ever written or recorded in all musical history. All that "BE MY SLAVE AND LICK MY NIPPLES" nonsense is utterly, utterly fucking lame.

However.

If the purpose of the song was to marry the sleaze of the lyrics with the riff, then mission accomplished, Manowar, because the riff (nay, the music itself) is positively dripping with sleaziness. It's a fucking cool riff and stands out on Kings of Metal because it's slow and menacing. Kudos for that. Kudos also for the line "Woman....remove your garments!" because I don't remember seeing the word garments EVER in a song.

The rest of the album kicks serious arse though. After a slow start, Hail and Kill assaults your face and demands to be listened to. I imagine this is one song that would be mental to hear in a live setting. The album closer, Blood of the Kings, sees the band return to telling us all how they are the kings of metal (by referring to all of their previous album releases in the lyrics, no less) and calling for "the false ones" to die. It's an uptempo ideal piece of kickarse metal with crunchy riffs and a face-melting Ross the Boss solo. 

In between those two songs is The Warrior's Prayer which is basically an old dude talking about how four other dudes (i.e. MANOWAR) came and killed THOUSANDS (yes, THOUSANDS) of other other dudes in a massive battle, then said a prayer. It also features an annoying little English fuck who needs to shut his whiny pie hole lest the Four Metal Kings shove some steel up his jacksie.

The Verdict

I liked Kings of Metal. No, I don't think they are THE KINGS OF METAL. I much prefer Iron Maiden still. However, I went in thinking this would be one big joke. What I found was that yeah, the themes and lyrics are occasionally laughable, but to dismiss Manowar purely on the basis of all those cheesy STEEL FIRE STEEL STEEL HAIL KILL TRIUMPH POWER STEEL lyrics is to ignore the quality of their musicianship. I fully intend at some stage to listen to and review another MANOWAR album.

My rating: ***

Standout Tracks

Hail and Kill

Blood of the Kings

Sting of the Bumblebee

Going to leave metal for a while tomorrow, and review a recent album by an artist that EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT apparently. Let's see if all that Triple J hype is warranted......